Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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