i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if only i could text you this smell
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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