So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
