I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
