I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
