people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
