At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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