maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
