I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
