I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
