i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
