Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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