how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
