Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
