wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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