i wish my penis had a tongue
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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