why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
