Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
