Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
two words: eviction party
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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