my sisters under your porch take her home
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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