I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
