you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
