Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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