Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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