oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
