woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
