I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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