Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
