Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize