you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made him laugh his dick is mine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
