i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
