He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
