I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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