Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
