nut hugger
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
