it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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