Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
