Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
