I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
