I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
