Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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