Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
