It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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