i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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