There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
