I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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