first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
