Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The air taste purple.
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