i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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