I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
