im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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