he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's like iHOP with fire
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
