Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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