Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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