I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
