Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
