Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
