don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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