I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
