if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just high enough for therapy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina is officially offended.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize