Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
