i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's like iHOP with fire
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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