scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
