Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
